Visatori

I was in a foreign city at night, and the streets were deserted. The streets were of sand, and the buildings were low under the star-studded sky. Their curvaceous architecture and white exteriors made me believe it to be of middle-eastern decent. I wandered for a while, until I cam across a man-made river, of which I fell into. I swam down, found an abandoned boat, imagining if monkeys could pilot it. 
Eventually, as I hung to the wall of the waterway, I came across a small beach, ending at the walls of two buildings. I wash ashore, along with many a luggage bags. I begin to worry about my luggage, which I see dumped right out. I go to my parents further down towards the building, and they say they’re unsure about if it’s even gone at all. I go to some check-out, with quite a long line. The man there is tall, tanned, and raven-haired, with a bit of stubble growing.
“Hello, Sir! Can I offer you a water?”
“I- Sure.” *takes water, finds it to be dirty on the inside, and another cup around it. *
“Is this how you’re supposed to drink it?”
“What do you mean?”
“Never mind, can I have a new cup of water?”
“Sure.” *pours from a glass to his left, my right.*
“I’ve got an important package to find.”
“what kind of package?”
“It’s just a regular luggage bad, but it’s what’s inside that counts.”
“What’s in it?”
(I think at this point that he’s a bit intrusive, but I still try to answer) 
“You know, some jeans, shirts, (I try to mask what I say my talking&drinking from the straw at the same time)”
He walks around to meet me in front of the desk, and we go back to the beach.
As we walk out, I see a pretty, young gal walking towards the rooms in some beach wear. She turns around for just a moment, and we meet eyes. It was for a moment though, and it quickly passed.
——
I found myself in my home, looking through the fridge. I find a lot of different types and flavours of this certain type of treat, called a  Yan-Yan. I look in the middle shelf to find a bunch of unopened packages. The bottom shelf had a bunch of opened ones.
“Where’s all of the Yan-Yan?” I asked, 
“Right there!” Said my sister.
“No, it’s not… I’m going to take from one that’s already opened.”
“Alright, take from mine then……..”
“Never mind! They were right here.”
—— (I already wrote this in my dream journal, so I’ll be quick about the rest).
I’m in a store. I look for the journals, to find crappy notepads and picture frames. I see a woman down the aisle testing out a television-looking monitor, which turned out to be a digital picture frame.
“Maybe you could use that in your home,” I said, “Like, on one wall. Like a minimalist look, y’know?” I thought I was talking with a friend of mine, Heather. It turned out to be a stranger.
“Oh, sorry,” I said.
——
I was in a go-cart of sorts, except the driver (to my left) and I were very exposed. We drove down a stone staircase/ramp (which was on some hill) into a wide, empty street.  To the right of the street is the wide hill, to the left was a patch of grass, with a few palm trees. Street lamps on either side. Immediately ahead was some plain business building, and far into the left, almost behind the building, was a fantastically beautiful sea port, though it was quite a ways off. 
We make a right on the road, which narrows off into a dirt path.
“Think I can climb over to the back?”
“I don’t know, can you?” said the hotel clerk turned driver.
I look back to see a pair of seats attached by the back to ours. 
“I think I can make it.”
“Don’t.”
We see a woman kneeled down by the left of the road.
“Was that Dr. Sattler?” I said.
“I think so.”
I turn around, shouting, “Wooo! Jurassic Park!”
“Is this Jurassic Park?” I ask.
“I don’t know,”
At the first turn on the road, there’s a broken down explorer to the right, and a brachiosaur on the left, shrouded by trees and shrubs. 
“Oh My God, YES! IT IS!”
it wasn’t really, I don’t think.
“Wait up!” shouts Ellie Sattler.
Clerk stops the jeep, and I jump out to greet her. 
I forgot what we talked about so quickly, but I have a feeling that it had to do with my authorization of being there. She talked as if she knew me, and suggested that, after I’m done riding around, that I just go back to the ____ (i don’t remember).
——-
Post-note: I can’t remember anything further, and I don’t have time to sit around to do so. A quarter of the dream is in here, A quarter of the dream is in my journal, and half is lost. Some of the parts I’ve written copy each other, but I hope to have a clearer picture later. There are five segments I remember, and they are labeled as such, in no particular order:

• Hotel, w/river
• Park, w/Sattler
• Store, w/Heather look-a-like
• School, w/Doctor Whovians
• Home, w/sister

This tumblr hasn’t been updated recently, so I’ll be the first in a long time.

déjà vu

i walked opened the creaky gate to the park to get a closer look. sure enough, there he was. he was taller than i expected. superior, intimidating. his name echoed through my mind, over and over and over again. i felt my heart start to race, my palms start to sweat, the rage filled up inside me. “hey rio”.

i lost it.

i shouted and i screamed and i punched and i kicked, but as always, he kept that smirk upon his proud little face, and walked away. it felt as though i was spiralling out of control. i didn’t know what to do with myself. i walked around and around in circles, still screaming and shouting to myself. people were staring, but i didn’t care that i was making a scene. i did not care, not one little bit.

hiding myself inbetween two beach huts seemed like a rational idea at the time, but little did i know, he was on his way back, and his intentions were cruel and unforgiving. just like last time. i jumped as i felt his spindly fingers wrap themselves around my wrist. “you’re coming with me, whether you like it or not”.

i was dragged from public toilet to public toilet. he checked each and every one to make sure nobody could hear my screams. he threw me inside and locked the door. ‘not again’, i thought. ‘please please, not again’. i can’t remember what he said to me, everything was a blur, but as he was aggresively whispering threatening words into my ear he was undoing the buckle on his belt, and reaching out for mine. i tried to scream but his hand was covering my mouth. something happened, and he let go for a fraction of a second. i bolted towards the door and out into the corridor of the pub toilets. i could hear someone so i started screaming for help, but i was being ignored, as though i was invisible. i could feel a pulling on my t-shirt from behind me, and time froze, just as long for a teardrop to roll down my face and hit the cold tiled floor.

the rest was unclear. i was bundled into a dirty, red car and driven to a house of a scary old lady who smoked 40 a day. i was lead upstairs to a dark and dingy bedroom where i was thrown onto the bed. i blacked out.

the next thing i remember is waking up. clothes ripped. black, teary lines down my face and the feeling of complete and utter darkness, as though i was in a black hole, filled with nothingness. it had happened again, and i hadn’t had the strength to stop it. i was fourteen years old the first time it happened. eighteen the second.

i had been raped. by the same man.

April 8, 2011

It’s all fragmented in my mind.
There was a theatre, that’s where I was.
I sat in some mid-level seat, among thousands, perhaps millions, of darkened seats. The auditorium seemed to stretch out for at least a kilometer or so.
I was with a few familiar faces, though they cannot ring a bell as of now.
I agreed to purchase concessions in the front of the theatre.
The showing continued on.
I walked through the halls as a blurring motion surrounded me.
There were dilapidated elevator shafts and ripped, velvet wallpaper surrounding me. The corridors expanded throughout infinitely, though it was only a moment ‘fore I entered the exit..
The lobby seemed old in design,
maybe pre-depression era.
But, it was shiny and new.
Well, as bright as the marble can be when the late afternoon light is cast upon it.
I looked past the glass doors, which were worn so much,
that the cracks and abrasions would only let my vision return blurred.
The sun was setting over the city, and the parking lot was burning red with the hopeful presumption that the night had not overcome the sky yet.
It was a familiar sight at a beach, but it had probably been years since I’ve seen such a sight in a sub-urban area.
Or maybe I was in an urban metropolis, I haven’t a clue.
I look around towards few people there.
It was those faces familiar that I was astonished to find.
I had traveled through some sort of time,
as the film has been over for quite some time,
and we were prepared to leave the theatre.
But, I wasn’t prepared to leave.
So, I woke up. 

February 25, 2011

I’m in a strange house for a friend’s party. There are few people in attendance, so he sulks into his bedroom. In the living room, sitting on couches: myself, a small group of anonymous faces, and a very pretty girl {Jane} (whom i know in reality). I go to the food table to grab some punch, out of boredom. As I stand there, surveying the foods, a girl says from the couch, “I’d love to get married.” As I listen in on the anonymous comments, Jane says, “I wish to be in love.” Just as she says those words, my ears begin to deafen. A flood of punch enters the room and rises everyone to the ceiling. ~

I find myself in my movie room, with the morning light cutting through the curtains. Jane is close to me, wrapped in a warm, tan blanket. I wake her up, and whisper something in her ear. She stands from the couch, curled up with my blanket around her shoulders. “Let me change into something else,” she says. We both walk out of the room, into the cold living room with an archway leading to a hallway. I’m standing with Jane in a corridor that leads to two places: a bedroom, and a bathroom. I tell her, “How would you feel if I gave you something that I’ve never given to any of the others?” She quietly leaves to the bathroom. Defeated (or enjoyed?), I close the bedroom door and slump on the sofa. As I lay in my dreams, I feel someone enter without a sound. I open my eyes to see her before me, sleeping. She’s so close, wrapping herself within my arms. I think to myself about all of the times I’ve wanted someone to hold at night. I bring her close, and kiss her head. 

Just at that moment, I hear cars outside. I jump up from the bed surprised. The window in my room has grown tall against the wall, as I see family entering the house. I turn to find Jane leaving the room, saying that she ‘can’t be here right now.’ 

Everything shifts to the same scene, with family all around my home. They ask how I am and such, and I answer half-heartedly.